Paladin Training
by guillotineghost
Summary: Douchebag decides to give Butters some lessons on secretive healing techniques. Smutty one shot thing based on headcanons from hottopicgiftcard. DouchebagxButters.


A/N: Completed based on headcanons from hottopicgiftcard ; I really like Douchebag is so versatile and we all have our own version of him, so I'm going to be writing more of him in the future.

X~x~x

Paladins were a crucial part of any team, considering that they had the magical healing capabilities of a cloth class with all the physical endurance of a tank. Butters had taken the role as opposed to a regular Cleric because he wanted to not only provide support from the sidelines, but to assist on the battlefield and inflict major damage on the enemy.

To be that crucial part of team of humans, Butters was willing to do anything, even if that meant watching a marathon of gore ridden movies. Luckily for him, the new kid was the one to provide this training.

Douchebag was more than willing to hold the small blond in his arms and run a comforting hand along his shivering back when Butters would cringe and coil at the scenes depicting a string of murder victims getting their brains splattered across pavements. He wondered just how his friend had gotten ahold such an explicit DVD.

"O-Oh, golly, Douchebag! This is terrible!" He whimpered and hid his face in the other boy's shoulder.

"I know, Butters. It's okay. As a Paladin, though, you do need to get used to seeing this kind of thing…It's alright. C'mere." He gave him an assuring smile, looped an arm under his knees, and pulled him across his lap. "I'm here for you."

"Thank you so much." Butters tried to keep his voice from cracking, but to no avail. He tried to keep his swollen eyes on the screen no matter how much the sight of sizzling intestines made his own stomach churn.

"It's no problem, dude. You were the first friend that I made here, and, well, that means a lot to me."

There was just something about Butters that made Douchebag want to protect him. It seemed like no one else in South Park took the care to look after him. His parents shielded him too much and Cartman was constantly exploiting his generous nature. It was easy to see in just one day how fucked his situation was. Why didn't anyone else _do_ anything?  
But still, Douchebag couldn't help but wonder, was inviting him over for a horrific marathon of slasher films any better? He didn't have the most innocent of intentions himself.

"Aww, shucks," Butters couldn't help but grin. "I'm always for helping out!"

"That's what makes you so precious." Douchebag moved forward to place a quick kiss on his forehead. "I know that you want to help out the humans all you can, against the elves. That's why I'm going to teach you some more advanced healing techniques tonight."

"Does that mean that endurance training is over?" He piped up at the thought of being freed from this visual torture. "I-I already feel like I'll be able to stand the sight of blood and guts a whole lot easier now!" What actually gave him some solace while being exposed to those brutalities was imagining the injured healing up and smiling rays of sunshine. That was what drove him in battle against the elves—his teammates' wellbeing. They were nice enough to play with him and he felt a great debt to for that, especially given that his parents had set up such strict rules for his playing with others. Not that those rules were ever actually followed.

"You alright, Douchebag? Your happy stick is kinda hard." Butters twisted his hips a little to get a better feel of his friend's hard on pressed against his bottom.

Douchebag couldn't help snickering. "Yeah, I'm fine. Actually your, uh, 'happy stick' is something that can help with healing if you use it correctly. It feels good when you mess with yours, right? So you can use it to transmit your good feelings into someone else."

"Really?"

"That's right, but we need to keep this between just us for now. It's something special just for only the best of _best_ friends."

Butters nodded excitedly. "Alright! I promise, Douchebag! Just between us!"

X~x~x

It felt like the entire bottom half of his body was going to completely dissolve; Butters was surprisingly skilled with his tongue for never having taken a dick in his mouth before (though he did suspect that Cartman might have had a hand in that).  
"V-Very good, Butters," he breathed, twirling a lock of his blond hair around his index finger.

"A-Am I gonna draw out happy goo?" Butters pulled away with swollen lips and watery eyes. He sniffled and quickly wiped at the bottom of his nose with his sleeve. Despite his pitiful expression, he was still wanting to do nothing more than please his friend and assure that his regenerative abilities were top notch.

"You're close. Just a little more."

"Are ya feelin' healed up?"

"Uh-huh."

Butters grinned proudly and went back to work, swirling his tongue around the head of the lengthy cock before him. He closed his eyes and hollowed his cheeks out, gauging the shaft further until it bumped against his esophagus.

He continued like this for another minute or so, moaning when he could to send vibrations up his beloved's lower regions (or maybe because this was too much for him and he could bring himself to stop). Douchebag was mumbling something to him, telling him what a great and noble paladin he would become.  
He hoped so. He hoped that he wouldn't let them down.

"Coming."

The flesh filling his mouth twitched and a salty flavor filled Butters' mouth—it didn't taste bad, at least. It was warm and…white? He pulled away and wiped some of the goo from the side of his mouth. He swallowed what had trailed onto his tongue when Douchebag withdrew himself. "Do you feel healed, new kid?"

Douchebag zipped his pants back up and recomposed himself. "Yupp. That was really advanced healing skills—you've got a natural talent for the paladin class!"

"Oh, boy!" The blond's bright eyes lit up as if the world had just been handed to him on a silver platter. "I'm gonna be the best darned paladin there ever was! With your help, I mean." He grinned up at his friend and gave him a hug for good measure.

Douchebag wrapped his arms around his body and returned the gesture wholeheartedly. "I know you will be, Butters. I know you will be."


End file.
